Monday, August 15, 2011
Home Alone. @ 5:10 PM
The hubbs has been gone all day, literally. He woke up at six to be at work by 645 only to get home around 120 and leave again for work at 330. It goes without saying that I've had a pretty lonely day. I really enjoy my time alone, though I'm never as productive as I'd hope to be; ever the optimist. So with all this free time I've really had a chance to let my mind wander and not worry about distracting/bothering anyone else with my thoughts (sorry if you're reading this blog). It's actually crossed my mind a few times to not invest my time in "blogging" or reading blogs, etc. Then I think, whatever will I do with my time then? I'm not writing a blog to have a popular following. I just enjoy writing what's on my mind, however random that may be. In addition to my own ramblings, I rather enjoy reading what my other friends have written. I can't always go over to their house to catch up, but I can pull up their blog and let my mind wander to memories of being together with that person while reading about their most recent trip or thought; in that moment I'm with them. Perhaps that's why I write about my hubbs in 99.9% of my posts...because he's not home when I write them and when he IS home I don't want to write about him because I want to be WITH him...yeah, that's probably it. gosh I love that man.
Speaking of moments with the hubbs, I've recently had these "aw, man!" moments. Everyone has em. You know when you're looking at a memory being created and thinking "gosh, I wish I had my camera!" but you don't so you dwell on that rather than the memory and instantly it becomes this horrid moment. No? Well, I've had em and I hate em. I believe this is what digital cameras have done to my generation. The generation that grew up with film that had to be developed (and waiting for your Mom to pick it up from the store took FOREVER) also had (and now has) the digital camera, for a perfect picture everytime or you can try six more and eventually get the shot you wanted. I'm grateful, but I also realize that it has completely ruined me. (I think I'm okay with that, look at my photo albums of "ruined" and then "perfected" pictures to verify that statement).
I have bright blue toe nails, on purpose. (no picture. but I won't speak of it again.) I've watched the summer pass through my windows. I did go to Hawaii in June. right after I had surgery; insert frowning face. However, the recovery has made me...well, a little irritable and sometimes a bit intolerable. I'd say, "Not in a bad way," but then I'd be lying. I should explain. 1) Irritable--because I never know if I'm going to be in pain and once I am in pain I assume that everyone (mainly the hubbs) knows that I am..but he doesn't. I can't control what's going on and that makes me even more upset that I am not doing what I want, not because I have chosen not to, but because I can't due to areas out of my control. 2) Intolerable--Mostly with myself. I am sick of being around myself. Does that sound bad? Probably. Oh, well. It's true. I feel like I'm not myself, and because of that I'm sick of being around someone that is pretending to be me. (Might I add that she's doing a TERRIBLE job, she's got it all wrong; I'm not some sickly person. I'm actually quite healthy and outgoing. Someone contact her agent, she should've lost this gig MONTHS ago!) Okay, joking aside, I realize that was a bit melodramatic, but it's so very true. I just don't feel like me, which makes things awkward for myself and my husband. It's like he's married to another woman and that's not a good way to feel during your first year of married life. Luckily, I'm married to Garrison, who is as understanding and caring as a man can get. I feel so blessed. My mind might wander while he's gone, but it generally wanders to where we've been and the optimist in me allows it to wander to where we might go (or where I'd like to go with him). Guess I'll go clean and read to pass the time.
