We have children, no more.

Hooray!

Our house seems quiet. Too quiet.

No children jumping off our couch.

The T.V. has received the reprieve it deserved.

It's just us, again. It's kind of weird.

But I really like it.

Kids are great and I definitely am excited for the day

when we have our own family. However, this is our

family, right now. The two of us are a family. 

It's the best family I know of.

Until our other one is created.

[beware-the following is going to be personal&

full of gushy muck]

Sometimes I don't like to think about the other family. 

Not because I'm scared of how hard having babies or

 raising those babies into wonderful adults will be.

 It will be hard, but getting pregnant might be harder.

I'm actually going to the OB later this month to

have one of their specialists have a "looksey"

inside of me [oh, joy!] to see what the deal is with

all of my UTI's and bladder infections.

One at least twice a month is not normal, apparently.

Who'da thunk it?! Not I.

Part of me wants to ask him to check out my ovaries

too while he's at it--but I'm too chicken because the

other part doesn't want to know. I'm not sure why..

babies are great and knowing I will be able to have 

one without a lot of complications would really be

a blessing, but I guess I've already decided I'm too

scared to find out. If I was "brave" I would've opted

to not front the $750 for my IUD and 'chanced' having

a baby when we got married--but I knew better than

having that risk because there's no way we're ready 

for a bouncing bundle of joy, unless it's a dog.

I'm so lucky to have Garrison. I told him upfront that

I wanted to have a family. I really do. I also told him 

that it might be really hard for me to have a family on

my own because of complications I had when I was 

younger (in my ovaries) that kept me from ever having

anything remotely close to a "normal" cycle--which 

is a sign of fertility. Before we got married I was put on

some wonderful low-dose hormonal birth control.

Wow, was I a train wreck and a half. I'm surprised

Garrison asked me to marry him on that stuff. I was

the most moody person I had ever met, and I'm not that way.

I cried about not finding a wedding dress (the first day I went out 

to find one--normal Jenn would've said "well, that was fun, I'll find

one sooner or later" oh, no--not hormonal Jenn!) I complained

about everything! I also had cramps for the first time in my life.

How do you guys do it?! Seriously. The pain was terrible!

I have a high pain tolerance! I walked on my BROKEN ankle

[broken in two places, thank you] for FOUR days before I

even thought it could be broken. Then I walked on a broken bone

in my foot for 5 months before it hit me that something just wasn't

right and saw a doctor only to have the DEAD bone removed the 

following month. I'm a tough cookie but when it comes to 

period cramps--ohh, I've got stars and little birdies flying

around the K.O. above my head. Ten years of 0 cramps

will do that to you, I guess. I'm just glad I had 10 years

of bliss before this--for those of you [like I used to be] who 

have never had cramps, let me break it down for you:

it's as if you have unleashed a tiny army of hungry piranha's

into your uterus and they are having the feast of all feasts

inside of you--while they slowly remove every trace of 

your uterus in the process. It's that bad. Really.

However, the blessing was a little bit of regulation and

some normalcy. I had a period at the same time every

single month! I was so thrilled about having a period!

It meant I could be a mommy some day, that's happiness!

 I was just the most miserable person in the entire world,

when the medicine changed on me in the middle of the

month--dang hormones. We did a little switch-a-roo and

voila! Birth control that didn't fluctuate. 

It worked until the hormones gave me migraines.

Finally an OB had an answer. Non-hormonal IUD.

The only birth control that could keep me "normal" 

without having little ones. I was sold.

It felt weird to "stall" my regulation in order to keep

myself from having children--which was the whole purpose

for the birth control before we were engaged...but now it 

was game time--we were getting married. I felt like I was

"normal" and could have kids just fine without any form

of birth control and I wasn't ready for that. So I took the

plunge and got the IUD. It was wonderful.

My high pain tolerance really paid off. The terrible

"contraction like pains" people told me horror stories about

were nothing compared to the cramps I had experienced. 

It's been 7 months now, with this IUD and I've loved it.

But I still don't know if I'll have a family of my own.

After I stopped the hormonal birth control I also stopped

having periods I could "pin-point."

My mommy excitement has also stalled. It's almost gone.

I'm scared I won't have children, on my own. 

It's sad to feel like you're broken--when you don't even know.

Luckily, I've got Garrison. He knew, coming into this, what

he was in for--well, sort of. He's been a champ about it.

When I'm upset or worried he tells me it will be just fine.

If we have to adopt or wait or try forever, then we will--

when we're ready and when we're ready we'll be game

for anything. That's why I love him. He knows how 

to calm me down and how to make things better when

I'm freaking out [which I've done a bit too much lately].

Mr. OB has his work cut out for him. Not only do I need 

to know where all this pain is coming from, but I also

want to know if I'm going to have little babies inside of

me, one day. I'm going to ask. I need to ask. 

Knowledge is power and power creates freedom.

I could use some of that right now. 

At least we've got each other, and a quiet house.

We'll have that until we're ready. 

Right now we're definitely not ready though.

We have children, no more.

Hooray!

Our house seems quiet. Too quiet.

No children jumping off our couch.

The T.V. has received the reprieve it deserved.

It's just us, again. It's kind of weird.

But I really like it.

Kids are great and I definitely am excited for the day

when we have our own family. However, this is our

family, right now. The two of us are a family. 

It's the best family I know of.

Until our other one is created.

[beware-the following is going to be personal&

full of gushy muck]

Sometimes I don't like to think about the other family. 

Not because I'm scared of how hard having babies or

 raising those babies into wonderful adults will be.

 It will be hard, but getting pregnant might be harder.

I'm actually going to the OB later this month to

have one of their specialists have a "looksey"

inside of me [oh, joy!] to see what the deal is with

all of my UTI's and bladder infections.

One at least twice a month is not normal, apparently.

Who'da thunk it?! Not I.

Part of me wants to ask him to check out my ovaries

too while he's at it--but I'm too chicken because the

other part doesn't want to know. I'm not sure why..

babies are great and knowing I will be able to have 

one without a lot of complications would really be

a blessing, but I guess I've already decided I'm too

scared to find out. If I was "brave" I would've opted

to not front the $750 for my IUD and 'chanced' having

a baby when we got married--but I knew better than

having that risk because there's no way we're ready 

for a bouncing bundle of joy, unless it's a dog.

I'm so lucky to have Garrison. I told him upfront that

I wanted to have a family. I really do. I also told him 

that it might be really hard for me to have a family on

my own because of complications I had when I was 

younger (in my ovaries) that kept me from ever having

anything remotely close to a "normal" cycle--which 

is a sign of fertility. Before we got married I was put on

some wonderful low-dose hormonal birth control.

Wow, was I a train wreck and a half. I'm surprised

Garrison asked me to marry him on that stuff. I was

the most moody person I had ever met, and I'm not that way.

I cried about not finding a wedding dress (the first day I went out 

to find one--normal Jenn would've said "well, that was fun, I'll find

one sooner or later" oh, no--not hormonal Jenn!) I complained

about everything! I also had cramps for the first time in my life.

How do you guys do it?! Seriously. The pain was terrible!

I have a high pain tolerance! I walked on my BROKEN ankle

[broken in two places, thank you] for FOUR days before I

even thought it could be broken. Then I walked on a broken bone

in my foot for 5 months before it hit me that something just wasn't

right and saw a doctor only to have the DEAD bone removed the 

following month. I'm a tough cookie but when it comes to 

period cramps--ohh, I've got stars and little birdies flying

around the K.O. above my head. Ten years of 0 cramps

will do that to you, I guess. I'm just glad I had 10 years

of bliss before this--for those of you [like I used to be] who 

have never had cramps, let me break it down for you:

it's as if you have unleashed a tiny army of hungry piranha's

into your uterus and they are having the feast of all feasts

inside of you--while they slowly remove every trace of 

your uterus in the process. It's that bad. Really.

However, the blessing was a little bit of regulation and

some normalcy. I had a period at the same time every

single month! I was so thrilled about having a period!

It meant I could be a mommy some day, that's happiness!

 I was just the most miserable person in the entire world,

when the medicine changed on me in the middle of the

month--dang hormones. We did a little switch-a-roo and

voila! Birth control that didn't fluctuate. 

It worked until the hormones gave me migraines.

Finally an OB had an answer. Non-hormonal IUD.

The only birth control that could keep me "normal" 

without having little ones. I was sold.

It felt weird to "stall" my regulation in order to keep

myself from having children--which was the whole purpose

for the birth control before we were engaged...but now it 

was game time--we were getting married. I felt like I was

"normal" and could have kids just fine without any form

of birth control and I wasn't ready for that. So I took the

plunge and got the IUD. It was wonderful.

My high pain tolerance really paid off. The terrible

"contraction like pains" people told me horror stories about

were nothing compared to the cramps I had experienced. 

It's been 7 months now, with this IUD and I've loved it.

But I still don't know if I'll have a family of my own.

After I stopped the hormonal birth control I also stopped

having periods I could "pin-point."

My mommy excitement has also stalled. It's almost gone.

I'm scared I won't have children, on my own. 

It's sad to feel like you're broken--when you don't even know.

Luckily, I've got Garrison. He knew, coming into this, what

he was in for--well, sort of. He's been a champ about it.

When I'm upset or worried he tells me it will be just fine.

If we have to adopt or wait or try forever, then we will--

when we're ready and when we're ready we'll be game

for anything. That's why I love him. He knows how 

to calm me down and how to make things better when

I'm freaking out [which I've done a bit too much lately].

Mr. OB has his work cut out for him. Not only do I need 

to know where all this pain is coming from, but I also

want to know if I'm going to have little babies inside of

me, one day. I'm going to ask. I need to ask. 

Knowledge is power and power creates freedom.

I could use some of that right now. 

At least we've got each other, and a quiet house.

We'll have that until we're ready. 

Right now we're definitely not ready though.